BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
Baby its cold outside-and often cold inside too. Mukluks, puffy coats and pastel turtlenecks all keep one warm but are as chic as margarine. Fashion is facing this problem the same way the caveman did. "Me cold, fur warm". Fur is light weight, warm, and I think appropriate for mammals. That's right, I am a carnivore and wear fur.
Since polite society pretends to care about politics but really just wants to look good I'll get the rhetoric out of the way. Fur is natural, fur is dead. Raising animals to kill them and wear their pelts is about as moral as confining animals, pumping them with bizarre chemicals and eating them. Hey that's not fair! What about the animal's feelings? What about the animal's rights?
Listen kid, I just looked at my pay stub and no one asked me if I wanted to pay a third of my pay in taxes! Is it fair that I must labor so baby boomers can suck the marrow out of social security leaving it bankrupt for me when I need it? Is it fair that the generation with the worst taste has dominated radio for the past 15 years? The next time I hear "Stop in the of Love" or "LA Woman" my head is going to explode. Why is whirling disease killing all the rainbow trout?Is it fair Cinderella got picked instead of the ugly stepsister? Did Ol Yeller really have to die?
Life isn't fair. God doesn't seem to care. The Berlin Wall fell down and Darwin and Capitalism are proving there may be something to competition and natural selection after all.
If you have a moral problem with fur you're left 3 options. 1. Forget about it. 2. Wear fake fur. 3. Buy fur whose original TWO owners have passed on, ie vintage fur.I Want It I Gotta Have It Tell Me More....
Fur is big this winter, from $75 grand sable swing coats to $8 bags at Clare's. This is a look that fits your life and budget. It breaks down into 3 categories, coats, trim and accessories.Coats
Lets talk about fur coats I've seen around town, what folks wear not what Gillian is shilling in some ad. Tiny size 4 women wear long, dark blonde, sable coats with little round hats on their perfect hair do's. Big brassy African American women like to wear supple new fake fur jackets in swingy shapes, often in funky colors and patterns, like green or giraffe. Hookers still dig the classically tragic rabbit fur jacket.
Hipsters of a certain age prefer vintage astrakan (persian lamb-that black fur that looks likes brains) with 3/4 length sleeves. Hipsters below a certain age dig the vintage fake fur coats, double breasted with contrasting color and cuffs, sorta like pea coats. I have one, it was made by Sears.
Winter coats can also sport a jaunty fur trim. Starsky and Hutch era suede belted jackets in unnatural hues with giant lamby collars have been spotted worn with big jeans and super chunky shoes. Magazines have tended to show fur trim on more tailored coats. And we all want to know who's wearing the parkas trimmed in dog dog fur!Fur Trim
What if you want to wear fur indoors? The big news this year is fur trim, especially on sweaters. Cardigans with fur collars and cuffs are so darn now. Vixens wear tight ones with a few buttons buttoned. Nice ladies can wear them as twinsets.
Here's a cheap hot tip. Get a fur collar and then put it on whatever you want, just pin it to the darn neckline, you can do it!. Safety pins + cardigan =voila! I stuck a piece of beaver on a nappy gray fleece twinset I had, man, it was great. I gotta lotta compliments and the fur was light and warm next to my skin.
This is so cutting edge you probably can't get this fashion fix at a mall, instead try a thrift store. Look in the "accessories" section. If that fails....look at the yukky old coats, you can always remove the collar and toss the coat. I mean donate the coat to the needy. If you are crafty you can probably sew a nicely matched set of cuffs and a collar out of fake fur.Fur That Just Hangs Around
Fake fur, did I just say fake fur? Yes I did. I said faux fur the other day and they thought I was saying sulphur. This leads us to accessories. This season, if it can be done, it's had fur stuck to it. Gloves, purses, footwear, hats, scarves, clutches, coin purses, agendas, bras and my favorite the marabou phone. Ok, ok, those last two were feathers, but its got the fur look.Intellectualizing Fur's Appeal
Traditionally fur, fur coats in particular, are symbols of class status and sexuality. Ever hear of Venus in Furs? How many old movies have you seen with an over coiffed bimbo going bat shit with delight because her gangster lover bought her a fur coat. Ever see a movie where a lady buys herself a fur? That's because the fellow who buys you fur is a superior provider, cuz he's got cash and virility. Fur obviously taps into some deep, old part of the human psyche. It was one of the first things man wore, perhaps as much for adornment as for warmth. The traditional red robed monarch ALWAYS has white ermine trim-think Henry the Eighth, the Queen of Diamonds and the king of christmas, Santa Claus.Sigmund, How Do You Feel About Fur?
But could there be a subliminal hair thing? As people wax ever more and more of themselves, could we be having a cultural craving for fuzzies? Think about it, Pam Anderson would rather wear nothing than wear fur, ya know, her poster for PETA. Well I saw the video and she was right. No fur on her and not a lot of short and curlies on Tommy either. Go to the mall and watch the teenage girls petting the fuzzy phone books at Urban Outfitters. Rhythmically their hands move in gestures of forbidden and taboo tactile pleasure.
I think the animal rights people helped increase our awareness of fur and by making it taboo and evil actually made it more appealing. As if it isn't enough to be warm, fashionable, sexy AND well to do, fur wearers are now risktakers. (paint throwing, pissed off little vegans following you around in their Birkenstocks be damned! You've got a lunch date with a CEO for sex).
Be it ranched, vintage or fake there is something about fur that is very appealing this year and probably for the next 3 seasons, and forever. It's up to you the reader to use your vanity and intellect and figure out how to put some fur in your life. If you have no idea where to start may I suggest a fine handcrafted bag or two. If ya gotta get one, or know someone who would love one, or want more info on other styles just e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Yes, in my spare time I make little furry bags. I also do laundry, but not much glamour there...Now let's go to FOOD